so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We need a shit load of segways right now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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