He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
