he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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