he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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