Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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