Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
