Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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