Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
