so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He did a backflip because drugs
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