As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
