How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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