Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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