I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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