Betty ford says i'm here all night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
