discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
