When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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