so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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