walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
