i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
