i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
