This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
