i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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