I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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