Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
