Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize