One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
