life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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