if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
