I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
