I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
