honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
