He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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