Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
