I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
