Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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