I wanna bring you to show and tell
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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