just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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