My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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