oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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