Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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