First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
