What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
