...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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