Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
