I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize