You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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