$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
