So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
