I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
