some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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