the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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