Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
