im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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