I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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