Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
