my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
