I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You took a bar mat shot.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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