You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
