But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
