omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my sisters under your porch take her home
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
