so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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