first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
