Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We got so high we made milksteak
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
