i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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