He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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