the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I forget how to act sober
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize