please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
