I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
