first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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