I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
