he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
